Lessons from Rupi Kaur on Loving Yourself and Knowing Your Worth
"you must enter into a relationship
with yourself
before anyone else"
I've been trying my best to read a variety of book topics to ensure I gain some new perspectives. I just finished Milk and Honey by Rupi Kaur. While's it's a book about loss and love, I couldn't help relate some of her writing to the struggle of women in managing and getting their personal finances in order.
For those not familiar, Rupi is a young poet, writer, illustrator whose books Milk and Honey and The Sun and Her Flowers have garnered a lot of praise. Her poems (as you'll see below) are simple, short, easy to understand. Some are accompanied by her simple drawings to illustrate meaning. Her poems focus on womanhood, love, heartache, sex, and much more.
My observation has been that women are still being taught to shrink down. Notions of women as being the weaker sex continue to permeate our culture leading women to think they are not good enough, they don't deserve money, don't deserve how to manage it and don't have a right to speak up.
Of course, I want to change that and I want to give women a voice to talk openly about their finances, about their successes, about their failures, about all lessons learned along the way without judgement from anyone. If you would like to share your story, please submit here.
Without further ado, here are some of my favorite lines from Rupi. Can you relate? Do you have a favorite that you would like to share?
Don't Ask For Permission
“trying to convince myself
i am allowed
to take up space
is like writing with
my left hand
when i was born
to use my right”
“perhaps
i don’t deserve
nice things
cause i am paying
for sins i don’t
remember”
We don't have to pay for the mistakes of our parents, or our relatives or our other ancestors. We have a right to exist, to question, to make changes to better our lives. We do not need permissions to live the life that we want. Please don't let others create barriers for yourself. Other people will try to bring you down out of jealously, out of fear, out of their own need to make themselves feel better, but don't be trapped by that. It's OK to live differently if you want a different life. Conventional thinking is just that conventional thinking.
We all deserve happiness and I believe Financial Independence and the tenets of living an alternative lifestyle can free us from the trappings of the average life. Let's not be bogged down by the past that it doesn't move us to act.
On Making Yourself Whole
“you are in the habit
of co-depending
on people to
make up for what
you think you lack
who tricked you
into believing
another person
was meant to complete you
when the most they can do is complement”
“i do not want to have you
to fill the empty parts of me
i want to be full on my own
i want to be so complete
i could light a whole city
and then
i want to have you
cause the two of us combined
could set it on fire”
Please don't let your partner dictate how to manage your money. You are a strong, smart women. You are capable of reviewing your finances. Work together with your partner to find common goals and work together on a plan for your money. The most powerful thing a couple can do together is to talk about where money is coming from, where it is going and how you want to use it to secure your family's future. There's no guarantees in life, but knowing that you and your partner have a plan in place can mean a world of difference as you grow your family.
On Self Worth
“how you love yourself is
how you teach others
to love you”
This is important. While money doesn't define who we are as human beings, we need to understand that we define our worth. We are valuable. Our time is valuable. Our skills are valuable. Our opinions are valuable. Our ideas our valuable. We need to let others know that we are worth it by being good to ourselves. This is where the "Pay Yourself First" mentality really needs to come in the picture. Love yourself and pay yourself first. Not the tax man or the bill collector, but you first. Contribute to your savings and investments first. Do something for your future self.
On Supporting Other Women
“we all move forward when
we recognize how resilient
and striking the women around us are”
Women are taught to compete with each other. We gossip, we snicker behind each other's backs. Instead, let's build up other women and support each other. We all have a wealth of knowledge within us and around us. When we share we lift each other up.
On Success
“of course i want to be successful
but i don’t crave success for me
i need to be successful to gain
enough milk and honey
to help those around
me succeed”
“if you were born with
the weakness to fall
you were born with
the strength to rise”
They say women hold up half the sky. Without women, this world would fall apart. Don't be afraid of success, of gaining financial independence, of having what you want, but recognize that once you are on the right path, there is a responsibility to share and help those around you get on the path of success.
Lessons from Rupi on loving yourself and knowing your worth.
